Why Her?
by DobbyRocksSocks
Summary: Sirius is the ultimate ladies man. He doesn't 'do' love. Why did it have to be her that finally captured his heart?


**Disclaimer - I own nothing you recognise. It all belongs to Jo, she's just been kind enough to allow us to play with her characters. **

**A/N - Written for lots of challenges, but primarily for The Mix and Match Competition. Pairing - Sirius/Lily - Prompts - Amazed / Chilly / Promise me one thing. **

**Also written for :**

**The Variety of Prompts - Harry Potter Related Words - Sickle **

**The Birthday Competition - May Zodiac - Intelligent / Indecisive **

**The Wand Wood Competition - Blackthorn - A member of the Order **

**The Disney Character Competition - Flynn Ryder **

**The Hunger Games Competition - "You've got about as much charm as a dead slug."**

**The Fault In Our Stars Competition - I couldn't unlove (Insert name). And I didn't want to. **

**Word Count without A/N - 2008 **

* * *

**Why Her?**

Sirius sat outside the common room portrait, his head resting in his hands as he pondered just how things had spun so out of control so quickly. He was Sirius Black, ultimate player and ladies man, he didn't _do_ love. He did like, and he did lust, but he never, ever, did love. It was just so... messy and unpredictable, so... uncontrollable.

Footsteps on the stairs had him lifting his head, groaning as _she_ came towards him. Why did it have to be _her?_

"Black? Did you forget the password?" She asked, and he hated the way she spoke to him, like he was beneath her, or of little consideration to her.

"No. I'm good," he replied, returning his head to his hands. He really didn't want to talk to her right now. She surprised him by sliding down the wall to sit beside him, her skirt slotted primly under her legs.

"What's wrong?" she asked, and the compassion in her voice cut through him like a knife.

"Nothing Evans. I told you, I'm good."

James would hate him. James would hunt him down and hex him within an inch of his life, and then hate him. Sirius hated himself, so he could understand it. _Why did it have to be her?_

"Are you missing Potter?" she asked, and he cringed internally at the dislike in her voice.

"I guess," he replied, a soft shrug disturbing his comfortable position for a moment. He was missing James, and he knew that is his best friend were here, Sirius wouldn't be letting himself think about _her_. The Christmas holidays always drew James home though, and Sirius didn't blame him. Sirius himself had been invited, but he knew how much the holidays meant to James, time with his family was important to him, and when Sirius was there, James felt the need to play up and be the same person he was at school.

He had respectfully declined, pretending not to see the relieved look in his best friends eyes as he did.

"Black... if you want to talk about anything... well..."

"Evans, no offense, but I really don't want to talk about anything. Unless we're going to talk about when you're going to give in to James?"

"Whatever gave you the idea that I was going to ever give in to him?" she scoffed, and he chuckled despite himself.

"I thought you were intelligent," he replied. "It's inevitable that you'll give into him at some point."

"You know, Black, Marlene was right about you. You've got about as much charm as a dead slug."

"You wound me, Evans, really you do."

She stood up, huffing as she did, and without another word to him she entered the common room, the portrait hole slamming behind her.

"I really wish you wouldn't annoy the girls so close to me, Sirius," the fat lady said from her portrait, an amused tint in her eyes as she smiled indulgently at him.

"Sorry love," he replied easily. "I'll try my best to do it inside next time."

"Good lad."

xxxx

Christmas eve arrived, and it found Sirius in the common room, staring into the fire with a morose look on his face. Lily watched him from across the room, worried about him despite herself.

She didn't know how she felt about Black. Potter annoyed the life out of her on a near daily basis, and she had no love for Peter either. Remus she liked, he enjoyed many of the same books as she did, and the two of them had enjoyed a few conversations about them over the years. Sirius... Sirius confused her. She hated the way he walked over girls, hated the way they simpered after him even when he had treated them badly, but sometimes... sometimes he would get a look on his face when he thought no one was watching. It was... sad and, dare she even think it, vulnerable.

She closed the book she had been reading, and moved silently towards him, sitting down on the sofa next to him.

"Sickle for your thoughts," she said quietly, smiling softly when he jumped.

"Bloody hell, Evans, are you trying to give me a heart attack?"

"You've been moping since the beginning of the holiday, and I know it's not just about your mates being gone. What's wrong, Sirius?"

"I told you, nothing. Leave it alone, eh?"

"I... I'm worried about you," she muttered, and he raised an eyebrow as he turned to look at her.

"Why?"

"I don't know," she answered, and he could tell she was telling the truth.

"Evans... Lily, really. It's nothing I won't get over, alright."

"It might help to talk about it," she pressed, and he sighed. Indecision weighed on him. Should he lie? Make something up? He could always tell her the truth. It would be amusing to see the look on her face, at least until she told him to drop dead anyway.

"I'm in love, and it will never be requited. Now will you leave it alone?" he hedged, hoping he had sated her curiosity enough for her to leave him alone. Of course it didn't.

She stared at him in shock.

"Sirius Black, in love? I'm amazed," she chuckled, only catching her mistake when he turned hurt eyes on her. "Oh, Merlin, I'm sorry Sirius. I'm just shocked, you always seemed so... well. Like the ultimate player. Players don't fall in love."

He sighed. "It shocked me as much as you, Evans, believe me."

"Who is it?"

"You know I'm not going to answer that question."

"It's not... James is it?"

Sirius stared at her for a minute before he started laughing. She watched as he took deep breaths to try and control himself as tears of laughter run down his cheeks, and she couldn't help it. She laughed with him.

Getting himself under control, Sirius shook his head. "No Evans, It's not James. Wrong gender for a start."

She nodded as her own laughter stopped, and almost unconsciously, she leant against him.

"Marlene?"

"No."

"Mary?"

"No."

"A slytherin?"

"Merlin No."

"Alice?"

"No."

She was silent for a moment.

"Me?"

She waited for him to deny it, a denial that wasn't coming from the now silent boy sat next to her. She felt his intake of breath, the shaky way he released it, she could feel the tension rolling off him in waves.

"Sirius..."

"Leave it."

"Sirius..."

"Lily. Leave it alone."

She turned to face him, her eyes looking over his face, a handsome one she knew. Her eyes caught hers, and she was trapped under a spell. She could feel herself moving, though she had no control on herself. It was like watching a movie. She watched the emotions flitting in his eyes as she moved closer.

She pressed her lips gently to his, surprised at how well they seemed to fit together. The contact seemed to awaken something inside him, and he moved away, standing up and backing away.

She stared after him, the rejection stinging her as she watched him move away from her like she had a contagious disease.

"I... I can't. I'm sorry," he whispered.

"Was it a joke?" she asked quietly, holding the tears from falling, hoping it would last until she was alone.

"No... I just... I can't."

"You said you were in love."

She accusatory tone in her voice hit him in the heart, and he cringed.

"Lily, I... James. I can't do it to James. I'm sorry."

She sighed, throwing herself back into the sofa.

"You can sit back down. I won't jump you."

She waited for a moment, refusing to look in his direction, before she felt the sofa dip slightly. He sat at the opposite end from her, holding himself stiffly.

"Sirius. My self control isn't that bad, you know," she said, throwing an amused look at him.

He laughed darkly. "It's not your self control I'm worried about."

They sat in silence for a while, neither really knowing what to say. Lily shivered, noticing for the first time that the fire had gone out. She saw Sirius watching her.

"It's a bit chilly without the fire," she mumbled, rubbing her arms with her hands.

Pulling his wand out, he relit the fire, raising an eyebrow at her.

"Why didn't I think of that," she mumbled, and he laughed.

Hesitating for a moment, he sat back and held his arm out for her to lean into him. Rubbing her arm to warm her up, he wondered to himself how long he was going to stay there and torture himself.

"You're a good friend," she told him, after a while. When he looked confused, she elaborated. "To James. He's lucky to have you."

"James is a better friend. If I was a good friend, I wouldn't have any feelings for you at all. You're off limits."

"I don't belong to him," she snapped, sitting up a little.

"I didn't say you did. What I mean is... James really loves you, he has for, well, since second year. You know it. I know it. Even if you decided to never give him a chance, I still can't go there. It would kill him. I won't do that to him. I can't."

"I understand. I don't like it. But I understand. However..."

She knelt up on the sofa, turning to him so their faces were only inches apart.

"It's Christmas eve. We're the only one's here. And if you look up," she said, waving her wand behind her. A piece of mistletoe appeared above their heads. "It's bad luck to not kiss under the mistletoe, Sirius."

He stared into her eyes, and she could see amusement, lust, and something that looked something akin to fear.

"You're right," he murmured. "And no one needs to know?"

"No one needs to know, "she confirmed.

Her words took away the last of Sirius' self control, and he pulled her to him, pressing their lips together. The kiss was everything a kiss should be. Passionate but gentle, hard but soft. Neither of them knew how long they kissed for, but at some point, both felt tired enough to fall asleep on the sofa in the common room, safe in the knowledge that they were the only ones there.

xxxx

Sirius woke first, sleep befuddled but warm and comfy with no desire to move. Lily was lying on his chest, their legs entwined as the lay together on the small sofa. He watched her sleep for a while, before she shifted, her eyes blinking open slowly.

"Hey you," he whispered, smiling when she looked at him confused for a moment before her eyes cleared.

"Hey yourself," she replied softly, stretching out a little.

"Thank you," he said, and she nodded.

"You're welcome."

"You know this can't happen again," he said, his heart tearing into pieces at the very thought of her moving from his arms.

"I know."

She didn't seem to have any inclination to move, and he wasn't complaining as he wrapped his arms around her tighter. He couldn't unlove Lily. And he didn't want to. But he did wonder if the pain of loving her was worth it.

Finally, they sat up and separated, both feeling the loneliness almost immediately. She smiled at him sadly.

"I wish things could be different," she told him eventually, breaking the silence between them that could have stretched on forever.

"Me too. Promise me one thing?"

"Anything."

"Give James a chance. He really does love you."

She stared at him for a moment before nodding her head.

"Alright."

"Merry Christmas Lil's."

"Merry Christmas, Sirius."


End file.
